


lie and say you're fine

by BlackJacketsandPens



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, a bit - Freeform, because shit broke me and the finale gave me an excuse, canon divergent at the end, i love this little bastard, i'm gonna write a character study i say and end up with 14 pages, major spoilers for chapters 5 and 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 16:07:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15634107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackJacketsandPens/pseuds/BlackJacketsandPens
Summary: Lying hard enough can make lies the truth, after all, and if you lie enough you can even convince yourself this is okay.Kokichi's point of view throughout the killing game at the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles.(Goes somewhat AU/canon divergent at the end, you can take it or leave it.)





	lie and say you're fine

**Author's Note:**

> I may have binged NicoB’s entire LP of DRV3 in the span of a week, and though I started out more confused and bewildered and mildly disconcerted by Kokichi, I quickly realized that it was just because I wasn’t expecting him and he’s actually 1000% my exact type of character, the complex trickster archetype I adore so much. So of course I’d adopt him.
> 
> This is a little bit canon divergent, just a tad, mostly in the last section, but you can ignore that and take it as canon if you want.

\- LOG IN -

You wake up in a classroom.

It’s scary, maybe, all abandoned and grassy and weird, and you vaguely recall getting snatched up off the street or something like that -- no one cared, no one would miss you except the others (are they okay?) -- but you brush it off. You’ll just have to find your way out and get back, right? It’ll be fun! An escape game!

The giant mecha in the hallway are not part of a normal escape game, you think, and are kind of even more terrifying, but you make it to the gym anyway. That’s when you realize they were herding you there, and you’re not alone. Everyone else seems as concerned as you, as confused, all your age (maybe older, you’re younger than the usual high schooler and you know it and fake being older anyway) and all incredibly weirded out.

You remember, vaguely, when the robot bears show up, that they are not a good thing. Not a good thing at all.

And then they make you remember the rest, and you start over.

\- RESET -

You wake up in a classroom.

You’re confused how you got there, weirded out, but that’s fine! This could be interesting, right? An escape game, and the robot mecha in the hall make it _way_ more fun. That you’re not alone is even better, and there’s a robot! A real robot! With AI and everything! You chase him around a bit asking questions, but you’re interrupted by some other kids you bother, and end up in the gym.

The stuffed bears are unexpected, and the game they present is even worse. A game where you have to kill people? That’s bad enough, but that they don’t have a choice makes it the worst thing you’ve ever heard of. Of course, you can’t say that, so you don’t. You lie! You’re really good at lying.

Lying hard enough can make lies the truth, after all, and if you lie enough you can even convince yourself this is okay.

It’s really not, but the girl from earlier gets you all together, and you think she’s a very good heroine. Like a superhero, all inspiring and bright. You get mad at her when she gets a little too bossy, a little too determined, but she caves quick enough. And besides, it was fun the first couple times, that crazy escape route! It just got boring when you figured out you weren’t gonna beat it. 

Not yet, anyway. You just don’t have the right items. And you’re the Ultimate Supreme Leader, after all -- you’ll come up with some that might work. 

In any case, miss heroine has an effect, and none of you kill each other. You’re so very good at not killing each other, you think, that it pisses the game master off. And that, you realize at that moment, is how you win. It’s one of those games where you win by not playing at all, and knowing that is the best tool you have.

Well, then the bear gives you all a two day deadline to start killing, or you all die.

You lie, lie, lie, and lie some more, and smiling is really easy -- it is, you figured that out a long time ago, it’s just moving muscles in your face, it has nothing to do with your real feelings -- but you can’t trick yourself all the way, and cry yourself to sleep the first night. But after that you think about it, and you’re okay with it. You like to win. It’s not a very fun game, no, but you won’t give that bear the satisfaction of beating you. None of you are going to let him win this game, this battle of attrition. No one will kill anyone, you’ll all die, and it’s the best middle finger you sixteen can give. You think it’s funny, once you finally manage to believe your own lie.

Then the body discovery announcement plays, and you think -- damn it, this is why you don’t trust people.

You figure out what happened within minutes, though, and it’s hilarious in the worst sort of way. The heroine tried to be the heroine, and ended up being a murderer. You have to admit, if it had worked, it was brilliant, and it still was! Really clever, with the books and all. But it didn’t, and-- she doesn’t take the out. You...can’t believe it. She doesn’t take the out. She stays quiet and forces it to go to trial, and…

That means she doesn’t leave alone, and that means she’ll die. Either she dies or everyone else does, and you know she’s not going to let the latter happen. She’s a heroine, after all.

The trial should be fun, honestly. A super fun fake trial, for a fake murder. Crimes! Culprits! Drama! Intrigue! Lies! It’s a great idea and great fun, but...you still can’t get the image of the mystery boy out of your head, crumpled on the floor in a red pool of blood, still and unmoving. He’s dead. Someone’s dead. You saw a dead body, and now you have to convict a murderer and watch them die too.

It’s about halfway through the trial when you figure out someone has to be watching this, somewhere -- someone the mastermind’s performing for -- and that gets you through the rest of it, the sheer blinding anger that someone thinks it’s fun to watch murders. Anger is easier to lie through, though, because you can focus that venom into other lies and nasty smiles, and you know by the end of this they’ll all hate you, but that’s not anything new. Someone has to be the hate sink, after all! It gives them one person to unite in not trusting, and if you’re all going to win, you have to be united. 

Miss heroine passes the torch to the shy detective, and you’re not sure if he can hack it, honestly -- he cries the whole time, and can’t even speak through half of it -- so you decide to help. She had your goal, after all, to win this stupid game, even if she was sickeningly trusting about it, so you’re just going to keep doing that. 

And besides, she wasn’t boring. She was a great heroine, and you’ll miss her.

You don’t expect the execution, though. You pictured the podium opening under her, sucking her in and making her vanish, or something pulling her into a dark hallway, just...making her vanish. Or if she had to die in front of you, you thought it would be something quick.

You don’t expect _that_.

You lie and lie and lie again, even if you can’t hide your tears at first -- you play it off, though, because lying is so easy and you refuse to let anyone see the real you -- but when you get back to your room you throw up in the toilet and doze off crying on the bathroom floor. You should have figured it out, you think. You’re a criminal mastermind. You’re a supervillain. You should have guessed the mastermind before anyone else had to die. But you didn’t, and now the image of the heroine’s limp body dangling in the air, eyes wide, the image of the closed piano, blood pouring out from under the lid...you’ll never forget it. Never. And maybe the detective blames himself for it, and that’s fine, but you do too. 

So you vow then and there that you’re going to win this game and show this stupid mastermind that you don’t stick a supervillain in a killing game and expect to come out on top.

You find it easier to lie to everyone now that they’ve decided they don’t like you. They won’t believe anything you say, now, and that’s great, because you can tell them your truths and they’ll doubt it. And if you want to tell them truths they need to know, you’ll just play off the detective and let him do it. He’s smart, even if he’s a bit of a wimp. It’s a game, you tell yourself, and you’re going to win. You don’t care what you have to do to do it. 

You sneak out and find a message on a stone in the courtyard, then, and you figure, hey. You can use that, that and the other one. They have to be important, but...you can use it for something else, too.

But that’s not so important at the moment, because you remember some more -- a hunt? You wish you knew more than that -- and you get a video. You get yours, as a matter of fact, and you remember the others. You panic for a moment -- are they okay? Oh, no, did something happen, you have to help -- but then you lie again and make yourself be okay. It’s fine. You’ll win. They’ll be okay.

But the videos are dangerous, you think. Especially when you catch on that not everyone got their own. You think, and you think, and you decide to make everyone watch everyone’s. It’ll even the playing field, and no one will have secrets. And you can judge who to watch out for, too; whose motive is important enough to make them kill for it?

You tell a truth, then, aiming for the heart of it -- cooperating is dumb. The more everyone is all happy hand-holding friendly, the more likely it is the mastermind will figure out some other awful way to cut it short, like the time limit. No one believes you, no one listens, and you get yelled at -- but that’s fine. It’s in the air now, and they’ll think about it. It’s fine. You’ll win anyway, even if these idiots keep being stupid. Then they’ll see.

You decide to use bug boy, who’s big and nice and trusting -- even if you absolutely loathe bugs -- to help you, and you don’t feel bad about it at all! That’s not even a lie, because this’ll help, and it’s funny to see everyone’s faces when they realize they’re in insect hell. You bail to go collect the videos, and you come back -- way later than you wanted because apparently maid mom took you seriously and tried to actually mom you, something you hated but also kind of liked -- but the dumb stupid robot has a tape recorder, and you get stuck in there with the bugs instead. You can’t remember the rest of that afternoon, and it’s embarrassing, but at last you got to see all the motives.

Finding out that scary girl is an assassin just motivates you more. You don’t care how nice she might be or how useful, she’s a killer and you’ll suspect her no matter what, now. She kills people. No one who kills people can be a good person. That’s _her_ lie.

Anyway, you decide not to go to the magic show the next day. Not because you don’t like magic shows -- you love them! -- but because the religious nut is weird and stupid and you don’t want to encourage her. Just stay happy here together? Not a chance. That’s not even not playing, that’s just giving up. You wouldn’t mind no more murders, sure, but...to just not even try to win? Not even try to get out? Stupid.

But then someone dies, and you’re nearly sick on the floor when you get there and see bones and bloody water, and you can’t-- no way. You’re investigating elsewhere, because there’s no way you can stomach that. You get mad and let truth slip, and cry, because after the first murder you thought no one else would be that stupid, and this is why you’d wanted to watch the motive videos, but people are stupid and untrustworthy and you hate them all. No one believes you mean it, though, and that’s fine. You can play it off and go hide in the bathroom to throw up before heading to investigate the magic trick. You like magic tricks, you know a bunch of card tricks and sleight of hand stuff for fun, and this is awesome. You can figure out a damn water escape trick. 

Well, you know the baby witch didn’t do it, but the trick is still important. Even supervillains know to check every angle.

(Okay, you decide after you’re calm -- you’re fine, you’re fine, that’s a lie but you’ll believe it -- you don’t hate them. They’re all stupid, though.)

You bring tennis man’s video to the trial. It’s going to be useful, because you’re almost completely sure scary lady did it. Maybe it’s bias, but she’s an assassin, she’s automatically ten times more likely.

Well, okay, so it’s either scary lady or space moron, and you think it’ll be great to hear them duke it out, front row seats to a one-on-one argument. But the detective butts in, and then the stupid space moron proves himself the stupidest person here -- how can he just believe in people without proof or anything!? It’s awful and you hate it. He’s going to die and he’s going to take everyone with him because he refuses to look at the truth, he refuses to think logically. How can he be so trusting?

And you hate it more because he’s right, she’s right, and the detective is right. Believing in people worked, and you’re mad because the detective lied, but at the same time a little bit proud because it got you all on the right track again. He’s learning, even if he won’t admit it.

Then the culprit is exposed, and it’s maid mom, and you successfully manage to hide how hurt you are at that, because what the hell, she was so nice. She was nice to all of you, and you never had a mom, so it was nice, but she ended up being awful. Sure, maybe she thinks people outside are more important, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t, and it’s gross that she thinks she can just make people die for her sake and that she’s more important, gross that she tries to make someone die for her.

You still feel sick watching her die, though. It’s not about being awful or not, no one deserves to die, not ever. And these executions aren’t...they’re wrong. They’re sick and over the top and you’re more sure than ever this is a show someone is putting on, because if it wasn’t it wouldn’t matter and you could just execute them normally. But this is staged, so obviously staged, and your resolve to ruin everything and win is...strengthened.

You’re fine. You’re not scared or angry or upset or whatever. You’re fine. 

You get sick of scary girl’s lies, when you leave, and call her out, and you’re scared for a few seconds when she grabs you -- but no one lets her hurt you. You know it’s more because no one wants a murder than it is that they care about you, but it’s a nice lie.

You show them her lab the next day, and space moron takes responsibility, and you think that maybe he can at least babysit her.

The fourth floor is awesome, you think. It’s like a horror movie or a haunted house, and creepy mask boy’s lab is the neatest thing, even if he won’t let you touch stuff (and the stupid sword means your hands are sticky gold for an hour). Religious nut girl’s lab is weirder -- not for what it is, but because of the locking thing and because they all seem to be exactly what their owners want, with exactly what they like. It’s suspicious, and you hope detective boy picked up on it.

You remember your funeral, then, and it’s a bit upsetting, but you don’t feel dead and you’re no zombie or vampire, so you brush it off.

The next morning is just weirder. Bringing someone back? Impossible. The stupidest motive ever. But apparently not so stupid, because religious nut girl believes it, and so do her new crazy brainwashed disciples. Morons, all of them, especially because she got them to give up too, and like hell are you going to stop fighting. You’re going to win.

Nothing happens for two days, and you’re glad -- even if the new stupid council is giving you a hard time -- and you get to work on your plans. No one misses a whiteboard since no one’s using the classrooms, and the warehouse is awesome. You have tons of stuff in your room, and it’ll do for your supervillain plotting lair until your lab opens. Maybe you could be doing other things, sure, but...no one wants to hang out with you anyway. It’s fine.

You’re antsy and bored, though, and end up wandering up to the fourth floor in the hopes creepy mask boy is gone and you can poke around his lab, but then no one can get into the art lab and priestess nutcase isn’t answering, so you open the door for them even with sick fear in your gut that’s proven right when she’s dead on the floor.

Creepy mask boy suggests a seance, and you think it’s dumb, but also the idea of it working is enough for you to decide to help out. You help bring stuff to the room chosen, and coerce detective boy into participating when he sticks his nose in. Baby witch and the man hater are there too, and so’s robot boy but you kick him out, and that’s fine, you know sci-fi and fantasy don’t mix well. 

The whole thing is dramatic and fun, and the song is spooky, and you feel like you’re in a horror movie or a horror game and you love every second. You almost want ghosts to appear and scare you -- hell, creepy mask boy can be one of those kinds of ghosts if he wanted to. Spooky! 

But then there’s no ghost, not even a working seance, and you’re confused and hurriedly help to undo everything, and then...there’s another body. Man hater is dead. You’re not too sorry about her specifically, but it’s horrifying to you that she was literally killed in the same room you were in, like five feet away. You think you know who did it, though, because there’s really only one option. You have a theory, you think, watching everyone nose around the room and noticing a loose floorboard. You know it wasn’t baby witch, so that means…

You decide to check the other rooms, and while the first one goes okay, you miss the second loose board with your eyes and-- you think you’re unconscious for a while, and your hand comes back from your forehead sticky and red, and your head hurts and you’re dizzy and can’t see straight and you feel kind of sick, now, but you’re right. You were right and you know who did it.

You can’t just tell them like a normal person, though, so you sit on the floor for a moment, and then lie down, and even if it was mean the look on detective boy’s face when you sit up was funny enough to be worth it. You tell them what you learned, and wait, and...they’re just mad. You tell them you actually hit your head, and they’re still just mad, and impatient. 

You figure that’s what you get, but it stings anyway.

You wobble off, then, and you just barely get to the nearest bathroom when the trial summons plays, and you...really just have time to splash water on your face and slap some gauze and tape over the gash before wobbling away to the trial grounds. No one asks if you’re okay then, either -- all they worry about is space moron, but you look at him and he’s way too pale and sweaty for it to be just a phobia of ghosts, so you let it go. You’re fine, after all!

Even if you kind of doze off a few points during the trial. It’s really hard to stay awake, and you have a massive headache, but baby witch is being infuriating so you have to make her stop. You push and you push and you push -- because no one else is going to -- and it works, at least a little, and you can stop hounding her as the culprit and move on to the real one. You were right, but oh boy were you not expecting that occult nonsense and the-- the depravity. 

This is one execution, you think, where you’re not sad at all. He’d killed so many people, that it wasn’t possible to feel bad for him.

Baby witch is still being dumb, so you do the job no one else will and push some more and then she cries and cries and cries, and it’s-- hard not to cry, too, and maybe no one will believe yours were real, but no one is paying attention to you anyway, and it’s too hard to hold them back when you’re so dizzy and wobbly anyway.

You sleep like a rock that night, and you’re feeling better the next morning. That’s good, because the stupid bear presents a card key, and if no one wants it you’ll take it. If it’s the next motive, then you’ll take the burden of it -- you don’t intend to kill anyone at all, anyway, so who better to look first. And it’s easy to avoid space moron, because he’s sick and you’re fast.

You find the door, and you look through it, and you immediately wish you hadn’t.

Everyone is gone. Everyone is dead. The people in here, the nine of you, that’s the only people left on earth. And the world isn’t even habitable, there’s no life, no oxygen, nothing. There’s nothing. Nothing at all. 

You sit and cry for a while, but then you get up and you’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’refineyou’refineyou’refineyou’refine _you’refineyou’re fine-----_

You’re fine. 

And you have a plan. And now you have no choice but to win. You’ll end this game, and no one will die, or...or everyone will. You think, maybe, that if everyone dies maybe that’s better. Even if you stop the game with no more deaths, the world is still destroyed. There’s nothing left for anyone. Why bother? 

You…you have two plans, now. Or maybe just one split in two, depending on how the first part goes. 

You go to nympho chick with some plans, hand them over and get her to make them -- and she admits how scared she is -- they all remember now, too, at least part of the truth -- and you’re fine, you are, but...you feel sorry for her. You’re used to not trusting anyone, but she’s not, and it’s hard for her. Well...you feel sorry for her until you figure out she’s going to try to kill you. You feel a little less bad then.

But...your plan isn’t affected. You feel bad, but bug boy is perfect. You know nympho chick is going to get everyone into her VR game and kill you there, and make sure you can’t fight back or something -- it’s her game after all -- so...you need help. And he’s so trusting, and so big, and is the only person who won’t immediately write you off. It’s fine. You got this.

You hate the bear, but you get him to put a memory of the outside world into the VR game so you can show bug boy -- you can’t just tell him, he needs to _know_ \-- and you’re ready.

You get them to hate you more, you lie, you say it’s fun, and even if your face hurts from where space moron punches you, that’s okay, you’re fine. It’s part of the plan. Even if saying this awful hellhole is _fun_ makes you sick. You can have fun in this place, or you’ve tried to, but this place isn’t fun, and it will never be fun. Not as long as people kill each other.

All part of the plan, though. You’re ready. You get everyone to go into the VR world, and like you hoped, bug boy decides to watch you. That’s fine, because you show him the light, and he agrees to help. You’re not lying right now, and it feels weird and scary and wrong, but you don’t need to. He knows what you know, and you’re on the same page: the only way to save them all might just be to kill them. And if that fails...well, you have your other plan. You’re not sure which you hope works. 

Nympho chick does try to kill you, you do get her killed -- and the only reason you don’t feel sick is because you’re all dumb chibi avatars and it’s not gross -- and then you all log out. You do feel sick, then, because she looks so scared in real life, and you caused this. You’re a killer now. Even if you didn’t do the deed, you did it anyway. You’re a killer now, not a supervillain, and you have to go all the way.

Bug boy is acting weird, but you don’t catch on anything’s wrong, going along and blaming space moron -- you’ll succeed, you know you will, you have to -- and then the trial starts, and everything goes wrong.

How were you supposed to know he plugged the cords in wrong? How were you supposed to know he didn’t remember? You knew the detective was smart, but-- no, no, it all went so wrong. You get so mad at them all, mad at bug boy for not playing along until you realize he really doesn’t know, mad at detective boy -- no, _Shuichi_ , he earned a name -- for lying so stupidly, mad at space moron for being so stupid and trusting even when there’s literally no more excuse to be, even when everyone else is telling him to quit it, mad at yourself for this because if you could have done it yourself, you would have, but you couldn’t and now the only person who was ever nice to you is going to die.

The stupid bear even makes a computer bug b-- Gonta. His name is _Gonta_ and he earned his name because you’re stupid and awful and you’ll remember him for however long you have left to live because you killed him, too-- and the stupid jerk insists he wasn’t tricked, and then-- and then forgives you. He forgives you and apologizes to everyone, and asks them to forgive you too, and you can’t take it anymore. You can’t. 

_You’re not fine_.

You’re not fine and you can’t stop crying, and you wish you could have done it yourself, because you’re the bad guy and you’re the villain here and you should have, because no one would be sad if you die but everyone loves Gonta, but you couldn’t, and this is your fault, and you beg to be punished too, but you aren’t, and you have to watch the only person who ever tried to like you die.

You’re not fine and you barely manage to pull yourself together, and then people are hounding you and you’re not fine, and you’re a murderer, your entire gang your entire life your guiding moral code is to never kill anyone and now you have two people’s blood on your hands, and everyone hates you and you made them hate you on purpose, didn’t you, you think. No one likes you, no one trusts you, and no one believes you, and you caused it. You can’t stop lying and you can’t trust anyone and you can’t stop messing around even when you’re trying to help and now this is…

You’re not fine, but that’s fine, because you take a breath and grab your role with both hands and every cruel word you say is awful and every lie you tell is awful, and the way they all stare at you in disgust and horror as you gloat about how evil you are is awful, and you don’t get punched but Shuichi says you’ll be alone forever and you know he’s right, but you brought it upon yourself anyway.

You decide when you leave that it’s time to end it, end it forever, end it for good, and if you can’t make them all die, you’ll just have to make them despair. Then you’ll find the mastermind and beat him.

But there’s one more plan you have, and you know somehow it’ll end that way, but that’s fine.

You’re not fine, but you don’t care. 

You get the things nym-- Miu made you, and you give some of them to the others, and you wait. They find the truth, and you spring your plan. You’re the mastermind, you say, you did this, it’s all your fault. There’s nothing else out there and you caused the killing game. It’s all a lie, of course, but you hope you made the real one mad. Or at least, you hope you made sure no one had the will to keep going with this stupid game. 

You’re a little sorry that you banged space moron around a bit, but he seems okay (besides his terminal illness) and you stick him in the hangar bathroom, and decide that’s the end of it for now.

You’re wrong.

Space moron produces a crossbow from nowhere, and your arm is bleeding and half-useless, and you’re terrified but you fight back because you don’t want to die and you don’t want this moron to kill you (even if he’s shouting that he just wants to you to stop), and that’s bad enough. But then stupid murder girl comes in with a mecha and shoots you in the back, and you’re in agony and terrified and she’s demanding answers you don’t actually have -- what the hell is she talking about, Remnant of Despair -- and you demand, angry and frightened, why she’s starting the killing game again.

She tries to kill you and space moron saves you, and you think he’s stupid and you know he just did it so she wouldn’t kill anyone -- he hates you -- but she runs away yelling about an antidote and you realize she poisoned the bolts. The one in his arm...and the one in your back. That means you’re dying, you realize, and you decide then and there it’s time for Plan C. 

You slam the hangar shut and grab the antidote from murder girl when she tries to get it to her boyfriend, pretend to drink it and watch her run off, and then you hand it over to space moron. You feel dizzy and light-headed and you can’t actually keep track of how many of him there are, and your everything hurts, and you’re absolutely terrified, but you’re fine now. You’re going to win. You’ll win, this will work, you’ll win.

You disable the cameras -- you have hours before the stupid mastermind will see this building again -- and tell space moron your plan, and he’s horrified. You give him credit for not immediately agreeing to kill you, though, but then he does agree, and even before you use his girlfriend’s status as culprit against him.

You explain everything, and you give him the details, make sure he has the script, and...and then you make sure the press is ready, and he lets you film most of it, and you can’t even stand anymore, you’re draped on the railing above the press with the camera and space moron has to come get you to help you downstairs, and his voice is very far away and you’re going to die.

It really just now sinks in to you that you’re going to die. No matter what happens here, you’ll die. So…so you have to make it count. He asks you why you’re doing this, then, and you’re in too much pain to lie. 

You’re not fine, and you cry, and you tell him the truth for the first time, that you hate this, you can’t stand it, that it’s not fun at all and it never has been. You tell him that you can’t stand it, that you just pretended and lied to yourself so that you could get through it all. You tell him you want to win this game, you want to ruin it, you want to make everyone who put you all through this suffer like you have by denying them their game. And this is going to do it, and you...you’re terrified, you think, as you pull your shirt off and slide into the press. You’re so scared and you’re so sick and you can’t stop crying.

You’re glad the camera can’t see your face anymore, because you can’t stop crying. You’re not a supervillain, you think. You’re just a stupid and paranoid little liar who got in over his head, and everyone hates you, but you don’t care because they were the closest thing you had here to friends, and even if they hated you, you weren’t alone...at least not physically. 

You’re not fine, and you’re going to die alone, you think, and you can’t stop crying as the groan of the press deafens you. You see...you see Kaito watching from the balcony, briefly, and you lie to yourself one last time and pretend he looks sad for you (because obviously he wouldn’t be, right?), and then....

And then you die, all alone, poisoned and crushed to a bloody pulp, pleading to gods you really don’t believe in that your plan works and your death is worth it, that you win.

\- LOG OUT -

You wake up gasping for breath, falling to the floor in a boneless heap as your pod opens, and you can hear people running for you, but you curl up as tight as you can and wail because your mind is stuck on your last few moments, being crushed to death, and it hurts so very much.

You distantly register someone picking you up, but you can’t even think until you’re put down and a gentle and unfamiliar voice is asking you to let her examine you and there’s a prick in your arm. You feel fuzzy after a few seconds, and you relax, and you blink in hazy confusion at the nurse in front of you and the examination room around you…

And you remember for real.

You remember you’re an orphan, you remember your institution -- your brothers and sisters and Mom, because it’s small and there’s only Mom and a couple Aunties as the staff, you remember your scholarship to high school because of how smart you are (you’re too young normally for high school but you got in anyway). You remember your comics, your video games, your anime, how much you love the idea of supervillains with crazy powers and big lairs in caves and a huge posse of minions and cool gadgets and stuff, because heroes are boring and villains obviously have way more fun. You remember the game show, the VR game where you get to be a weirdo super special school kid and play a killing game, and you remember how controversial it is but it’s still pretty popular since it’s all VR, and if you win there’s a lot of prize money.

You remember signing up and begging to be a really cool supervillain character, you remember thinking you’ll win the money for the other kids, because you want them to be comfortable _now_ and not have to wait for when you’re working. You remember thinking it’ll be fun.

You think now that you were really stupid. Why didn’t you sign up for any other stupid crazy game show? No, you had to pick the VR murder show. And now you’re shaking and crying and sick. Well, you think distantly, at least you’re not gonna turn around and be manga Kaiba after his experience of death or whatever. No giant death theme parks for you, even if it would be kinda fun.

You think your voice is kind of broken when your laugh comes out sounding like a squeaky toy, but then you get told you’re perfectly healthy, no ill effects from the VR -- you think that’s stupid, because you definitely have some ill effects, lady -- and you’re literally lifted into the air in a hug.

You realize after a second that Gonta is hugging you, and then you burst into tears again, clinging to him like a koala and wailing into his shoulder. You think you might have apologized a few dozen times, but you’re not even sure you actually made words. Your voice is definitely broken, you decide. 

Gonta carries you out of the medical rooms, and you realize you’re in the Team DR studio, still, and you wiggle around to see he’s heading toward a room marked Participant Waiting Room. You blanch, then, and wiggle free. You can’t go in there, everyone hates you. You tell him as much, you tell him you should just go home. Even if it was just a game, everyone hated you and they won’t want you around. 

Gonta -- and it’s weird hearing him talk like a normal person -- tells you to stop being silly, and picks you up again to carry you in, putting you on a chair and telling everyone you were the victim.

You have a few seconds to register the shouts of surprise and realize they must be watching the game in here before someone tackles you, and Miu is crying into your shoulder and apologizing for trying to kill you.

You flail, and push her off, and demand to know why she’s apologizing when you were the one to get her killed, and she tells you to stop being dumb. Everyone here isn’t who they were in the game, and if she wants to apologize for being a crazy nympho who nearly tried to bash your head in, then she will.

Kaede is the next to speak up, and she agrees. You all aren’t who you were in the game, and you weren’t who you were before it, either. She hadn’t had much faith in anyone before the game, had really only signed up because it seemed pretty hardcore for a game show, and she hadn’t been the type to have any trust or belief in anyone at all. All she’d asked was to be different from her normal self, and then she became a heroine. And now, she’s not the heroine, but she’s not the person who had no faith in anyone, either. So there’s no reason for anyone to think you’re quite so awful as you were in the game.

You’re quiet, and then you think you startle everyone by bursting into tears, real ones. 

You’re not fine, and you don’t think you’ve been fine most of the entire game, because you had thought it was going to be fun, but killing people is never fun, and you were so scared and then you became really evil -- you may like supervillains, but you hate _evil_ villains -- and now everyone is actually being nice to you?

Rantaro tells you that you’re one of the most popular characters this season, laughing, and Kirumi adds that she’s really enjoyed watching you, too. Angie adds that she was pretty awful in her own way, and Kiyo says -- looking really embarrassed, poor guy, his real life big sister is probably going to kill him -- he was worse.

Ryoma says that the trial’s just starting, but he thinks if it wasn’t for Shuichi being smart, your plan might have had a chance and won the whole game and broken it, too. You laugh, but you’re still crying, and Gonta hugs you again.

Tenko says that your death was super awful, and you were really brave to do it willingly, and Kaede finally stops beating around the bush and tells you you’re their friend. Maybe you weren’t in the game, but now you’re all out of it, and all upset and traumatized -- because wow, she didn’t expect it to be quite so awful -- so you all have to stick together. You’re bound together by a really over-dramatic and probably not entirely safe tv show, and you’re all stuck with each other as friends for real now.

You joke that she sounds like her character, and she laughs and agrees. But that’s fine, it means she learned something. But she’s just stating facts, they’re all friends now. You too.

Angie teasingly asks if you learned anything, and you’re quiet for a long time.

Yeah, you say finally. You think you did.

You’re not going to be alone anymore. And...maybe, just maybe, you think you can trust them. You can at least try. 

Your name is Kokichi Ouma, and you’re not the Ultimate anything, you’re just a too-smart high school kid in the system, obsessed with fiction and lies and with a truck full of trust issues. But thanks to your crazy and ill-advised decision to play in a VR killing game show, you have fifteen new friends, and you think...maybe you have people you don’t have to lie to.

Well... _mostly_. Telling the truth all the time is boring. 

But...you think you can cope with a little boredom, if it means you aren’t alone.


End file.
